If You Love Me

by Will Walker

The moment was picturesque and felt like the fairytale of every little girl’s dreams. Their vows were honest and meaningful. Everyone could see that they were in love. The minister asked the groom, “Do you take this woman to be your wife?” He replied with strength in his voice, “I do.” The minister turned to the bride, “Do you take this man to be your husband?” She smiled with the beauty of hope and said, “I want to!”

She meant it. She really, really wants to be his wife. So why can’t she say, “I want to” instead of “I do?” Because this is not the language of marriage. Real want, the kind that leads you to the altar, must take the form of “I do”. Genuine intention involves a will to pursue. Dallas Willard says it this way:

An intention is brought to completion only by a decision to fulfill or carry through with the intention. External circumstances sometimes prevent us from carrying out an action. And habits deeply rooted in our bodies and life contexts can, for a while, thwart even a sincere intention. But otherwise, if we do not do what we intend, then we know that we never actually decided to do what we said we intended to do, and that we therefore did not really intend to do it.

The notion that real want equals a will to pursue (or do) is hindered by our satisfaction with merely talking or knowing about something. But just as shopping is not the same as buying; “I want” is not the same as “I do.”

We must begin with desire, sure, but the language of marriage moves us to will and do that which we want. On one hand sin is conceived when what we want is not what God wants. On the other, when we want to do what God wants – usually something beyond us— I believe He supplies His Spirit to empower and accomplish the desired outcome. But even then, His help comes only where our will to pursue is present. “God is not going to pick us up by the seat of our pants, as it were, and throw us into transformed kingdom living, into holiness” – Willard.

The alarming thing to me in all this is how much I talk about wanting things absent of doing anything toward that end. What is this false-want want that does not lead to action? I am sure the answer is complex, but I’d like to suggest that false-want is a Trojan horse for self-worship.

Talk is cheap, as they say, and everyone is looking for a bargain these days. I habitually say “I want to” when an “I do” is what the occasion calls for. I suspect that I do this because I don’t want to commit to action. I don’t want to incur the accountability and sacrifice of doing what needs to be or could be done. It is generally easier to talk about something than it is to actually do it.

The question arises: Why would I say I want something in the first place if I actually want something else? My initial answer is that I do this for the same reason I exaggerate stories or make promises I don’t keep. It’s a facade, an illusion that I am who I am supposed to be. Behind the smoke I am partial to living for myself, and since I know that is wrong, I talk about other things.

I know that I am supposed to die to my selfish wants and follow Christ, but what that actually involves— considering others as more important than me and helping people in need and blessing those who persecute me— seems to be very difficult to do. Dying to self is like the hard work of marriage. Again, I am partial to doing things that make me feel good, something more like dating. So I settle for talking about the kingdom instead of actively living in it. I want things like love and social justice in theory, but what I pursue in my day-to-day is comfort, recognition, and security.

I do not want to imply that all of our desires are bad. We are a mixed bag of simultaneously good and bad motives. In moments of clarity we have proper esteem for God’s desires. At other times we are so preoccupied with our life that we miss the God-life.

This is why I say the issue of false-want is a Trojan horse for self-worship, which I am defining as our intent to look out for ourselves above all else. Because we place such a high value on things like passion and transparency, I can do very little in the way of kingdom work as long as I talk openly about what I want to want. Meanwhile I can do what I really want.

You can talk about serving two masters, but you can’t actually do it.

Comments

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Will-
I'm in LA at Origins--a Mosaic (Irwin McManus) church conference for church leadership. Today the McManus brothers were harping on the fact that some people in ministry are in it because they want to. Their point: people in ministry need to come out of the "want" and recognize that we "need to be" in ministry. If the church is the hope of the world, we HAVE TO live for others and recognize the battle. In other words, we aren't fully alive or fully getting it if we aren't HAVING TO wake up for the sake of others and the advancement of God's kingdom on Earth.

I've been thinking about this idea of "wanting to and having to" for most of the afternoon. Your blog sparked it once again (from a different angle and reality).